Urban Meyer isn’t coaching anymore, but he’s still coaching-adjacent enough to smell a rumor before it turns into a fire. And this week, as the Michigan job spirals into the kind of chaos that makes boosters sweat through quarter-zips, Meyer poured cold water on the loudest theory making the rounds. Alabama’s Kalen DeBoer would leave the SEC after two seasons to take the Wolverines’ vacancy.

Meyer’s verdict on “The Triple Option” was blunt. “No chance.” His logic was even harsher. Alabama is Alabama, and you don’t walk away from that infrastructure for a program he described, borrowing language that’s been circulating in coaching circles—as a “malfunctioning organization.” In Meyer’s words, the Michigan job is “iffy,” and he framed it as a bad look both for DeBoer’s résumé and for Michigan’s current state, suggesting that the idea is even plausible.

The backdrop matters. Michigan’s opening isn’t a normal “football reasons” vacancy. Sherrone Moore was fired on December 10 amid serious off-field issues, with major outlets reporting the university cited an “inappropriate relationship with a staff member,” and subsequent reports detailing legal trouble in the immediate aftermath.

That’s not a routine coaching carousel spin. That’s an organizational mess—exactly the kind of situation elite coaches and agents use as leverage to either raise a current contract… or avoid the phone call entirely.

Meanwhile, Alabama is preparing for a massive stage: a College Football Playoff quarterfinal at the Rose Bowl against Big Ten champion Indiana on January 1. DeBoer has already publicly pushed back on job-rumor noise, and the timing alone makes the Michigan chatter feel like classic December content fuel more than actual traction.

From an Ohio State lens, though, the delicious part isn’t whether DeBoer would ever take Michigan. It’s that the Wolverines are even in a place where people can say “malfunctioning organization” out loud and nobody laughs. Meyer, who went 7-0 against Michigan as OSU’s head coach, doesn’t exactly have neutral feelings here.

The Buckeyes already swung momentum back with last month’s rivalry win, and a messy Michigan offseason only widens the lane. Brands don’t die, and Michigan will still recruit, still draw eyes, still matter. But if Ann Arbor keeps operating like a program that can’t get out of its own way, Ohio State won’t need help winning the rivalry … Michigan will be doing it for them.