The Titanic was raised, Al Capone’s vault opened, Watergate’s Deep Throat revealed and so the next historic mystery to unravel is which team didn’t want Tom Brady last offseason.
Which team he vowed to perform a bad verbal epithet on.
Which quarterback he called a very bad matronly epithet.
And with all evidence and epithets from Brady in it looks like: The Miami Dolphins. Maybe the Chicago Bears. But the Dolphins seem a front-runner after Brady’s full interview aired Friday night on HBO’s The Shop.
A teaser earlier last week — a brilliant snippet of sensationalism — had Brady relating how during free agency last offseason he was told by a team it was sticking with its current quarterback.
“I’m sitting there thinking, ‘You’re sticking with that mother——?’ ” he said. ” ‘Are you serious?’ “
That sent most people (raising my hand) looking at other teams. San Francisco and Oakland because they were decent teams in his home region. Denver? It needed a quarterback to go with its good offensive talent.
But then came the full interview in which Brady added this twist while going full Florida Man.
“When I look back I’m like, there’s no f—— way I would’ve went to that team,” Brady said. “But they said they didn’t want me. I know what that means, I know what that feels like. And I’m gonna go f— you up because of that.”
Hello, Dolphins?
This is the NFL’s offseason version of Clue. Colonel Mustard in the ballroom could peel back the clues. Start with the big one: Brady wasn’t going to go to the team anyway? The Dolphins fit that idea. Brady and the Dolphins were a perfect mismatch. He knew it. The team knew it.
There are reasons why Brady and the Dolphins would have played footsy, though. The biggie is coach Brian Flores and Brady had a good relationship in New England. Brady also wanted to stay close to New York for personal reasons. Finally, Brady might want to get back at New England twice a year.
Can you see Brady scoffing that the Dolphins would want journeyman Ryan Fitzpatrick and calling him an un-motherly, motherly epithet? Sure, especially since Brady has learned to swear publicly at age 43.
Can you see Brady coming to the Dolphins, upping last year’s 10 wins to 12 wins and making them the surprise team in the playoffs? Maybe. That would have been off-the-charts entertaining.
Can you see Brady get hurt behind a line with three rookies, irate with a mediocre running and receiving corps, demand the Dolphins sign Antonio Brown and freeze rookie quarterback Tua Tagovailoa out of any daily development? Bingo.
That’s why this wasn’t a fit, then or in retrospect. Brady needed to win immediately. He picked the right team with Tampa Bay. Everyone knew the Dolphins were on an opposite timeline.
“I don’t know why he would want to come to the Dolphins,” Dolphins owner Steve Ross said in January of 2020. “We’re a team trying to build for the future.”
The Dolphins hadn’t drafted Tagovailoa then. But they were taking him or Justin Herbert. They needed a quarterback of tomorrow at the expense of today.
Fitzpatrick was better than Brady to help Tua, too. Fitzpatrick is personable and understood why he was there. Brady always considered the backup his competition, kept them out of practice and games and the plan to bring Tua in at midseason would have been out the window (even Fitzpatrick wasn’t thrilled when it happened).
You can draw similar scenarios for Chicago with its quarterback, Mitch Trubisky. The Bears picked Trubisky over Brady? The harder idea to digest is Brady saying it was a team he never would have joined. Chicago had some strong points of talent and timetable for him to consider — stronger than the Dolphins, anyhow.
Brady no doubt enjoys the conversation he’s created. That’s a change from his New England days where he had a clamshell mindset. He even said how 90% of his answers to the media aren’t what he’s actually thinking (welcome to sports writing).
He gave a view into that 10% during this show. He called a team out for not wanting him — even though he expressly didn’t want the team, either.
It looks like the Dolphins. It sounds like the Dolphins. But, like Stonehenge, we’re waiting for answers.